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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|